Please don’t touch my hair
I will not be objectified It is time for my curls to be glorified It took me awhile to embrace my hair To love my complexion and my skin To stay out in the sun to get more melanin To love my noses, and lips To love booty and hips Don't touch my pride I see the natural hair movement but I don’t see 4c curls my type European feature is what they like Finally started to include black girls but only feature the ones that looks white Don’t lay hands on my crown The souls of my ancestors are woven in each strand It tells a story of our painful history and past My hair narrates what I am and what it means to be women and be back Because to be women and be black is to be the first and last person to love yourself To be women and be black is to say yes we’re beautiful when everyone is screaming no To be women and be black is to be labeled “ the angry black girl” when you speak To be women and be black is to “hear your cute for a black girl” To be women and be black is to still quote Malcolm X 50 years later because it’s still true to this day That the most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman. A chilling sensation up my spine and into my mind My head is spinning and filled with darkness Pain engulfs my heart with hardness Forgetting you is one of the hardest things to do Sometimes I fail to remember where I am, Because I Imagine myself inside that life again The more I remember you the more memories suffocate me It wraps around my neck and suspends me It kicks me when I’m down Leaves me dying on the ground I was in love with you I should’ve never let myself fall I’m counting wounds and I am trying to numb them all Since you left suddenly out the blue Got me left with some questions for you What comes to your mind when our eyes still touch? So many chapters in my life ended while other doors opened I can’t help but feel like this one just hit different We were clouded in mystery had so much history, and uncertainty Makes me wonder what if things went differently? I used to talk to you on the phone everyday until 4am Now I pass by you like I walked into funeral Someone just died maybe it’s the love we had inside We don’t even need to even say a word Because Stevie Wonder can see that it wasn’t meant to be We were just drifting apart we lost that magical spark Only memories of you and I are left inside my mind Thinking about what would happen if I went to see you
Would you be nice Would you be mean Would you be everything I imagined in my dreams I’m so close to you yet so far away I wish I could talk to you everyday There’s nothing for my mom that I wouldn't do But obviously that means nothing to you I know you were just 18 I know you were so young But it pains me that you’ve abandoned my mum When I come to Atlanta it reminds me of you And everything you didn’t do Like the moment mum told me you married her step mother Then you decided not to be her father And it really broke her heart That her relationship with you fell apart I know my mom feels really sad You remind me of the grandpa I want but never had Would you even care if my mom died? How can you just leave your daughter, how do you just walk away? How can you not want to meet your grandkids one day? And when I see mums younger siblings I feel mad I feel mad that you don’t love her I feel mad that you don’t know me I feel mad that your the only grandpa that I have left alive But when I come to Atlanta I have to act like you’ve died I taste blood in my mouth
I see it decorated on the walls Painted on the floor Scattered on my clothes Tears running down my cheeks As I gaze into the mirror at the wound on my face I think about what I should say Don’t worry It’s just an allergic reaction I fell down the stairs I ran into a wall I got injured playing ball The lies I had to makeup to hide what you were really doing to me You told me that no one was there for me Not my family and my best friends You told me that you were the only one there for me And I believed you Even after the abuse, the cheating , the infection I was still there for you I've got scars on my body that everybody can see But it’s the ones inside that really tortment me My bruises has been sealed But my heart hasn’t healed You told me calling the cops was wrong But when I told you to stop it kept going on You're supposed to protect me But instead you were the one hurting me My heart runs like a museum of madness
My mind overwhelmed by painful thoughts The truth hurts so I created a lie That brings me temporary hapiness It's nice to escape reality And become trapped by fantasies I hate being so aware Because it breaks me to know That he doesn't deserve me And I have to let go His words are filled with emptiness I'm giving my everything To someone who offers nothing And I'm fighting for someone Who would rather fight against me The only thing he was good at was making me feel That I was the problem You want all of me
But I don't even have myself I'm still trying to fix the pieces Broken by someone else You don't deserve someone That wasn't able to heal You deserve a woman That is always real The pieces of me had faded Into everything I used to be And everything I used to feel Became lost with time Like a book store with no books There's a profound emptiness In my soul This is the beginning of the end
You and I are no longer friends If you ever got hurt by an earthquake It's the same feeling as my heartbreak I knew you were a big mistake But it was a risk I was willing to take Strange things happened which turned us around It made our world become upside down During a time when I need you the most All of a sudden you turned into a ghost You went missing like Will I wish you knew how that made me feel You kept repeating lie after lie I just don't understand what were you trying to hide We traded joy for pain Laughter turned into tears Kisses became curses And when I told you goodnight What it really meant was goodbye Letting go of you Was one of the hardest things I had to do Its a vicious cycle and every time it repeats I loose a piece of myself that you get to keep I love again, hurt again, and move on again How bout I just not do that again It wasn't even worth it in the end I've been on the ground for so long I forgot how to fly And I fell so many times I've been scared to even try I don't get stronger I just move on longer Every blow at me Just takes away my energy There is nothing I can think of that is more tragic
It's like some kind of black magic It is dangerous and volcanic It's like a drug and a fanatic It will leave you just as fast as it came But the memories of it will always remain Once it traps you it's hard to escape But it will be one of your best mistakes And you'll carry so much pain Because you'll never be able to see it again That chapter in life is closed and there is no key Like a precious treasure forever lost at sea So we reminisce to all those summer nights When arms would wrap around you so tight When hands would slowly touch your flesh When the chills in your spine would make you wet And when your lips would press against his beard But when the summer was over he disappeared Forget her tattered memories
Or the words that she spoke She claws at her past like chains Longing to break away It's dragging her across the floor With nails in her heart Stuck on the strings tied to his memories Taking her back to a place she used to be Before things went wrong All she ever hoped to do is move on It makes her go insane They keep running back and fourth Like a soccer game He opened her eyes But closed her heart You set her body free But tore her soul apart I'm sorry that I met you
I was on my way and so were you You and I were never meant to be But only God controls our destiny I really hate this city Depression lingers in the air like the smell of your cigarettes And it's such a pitty I used you just like you used me I wanted you to set me free From the brokenness I had inside When I was with some other guy Blood slowly drips between my legs it makes me sad Makes me think about the things that I could've had Your daughter has your eyes It must be heartbreaking to see your baby girl cry You remind me of mockingbird And the way it makes me feel when I remember the words Hush baby don't cry live in the moment everything will be alright Don't be scared about the future don't cry I'll hold you through the night I know you've been hurt by someone before But you can't live in the past anymore Promise me you'll give Katja the world And you'll sing her the mockingbird And let me know if it's just a cliche Or is it really true what they say You once you go black You never go back |
AuthorDeborah Senyange Archives
June 2017
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